Letting Go

I was asked recently to share my faith story. Since I am wide awake and it's quiet, I'm gonna share it with you too.
Some of you know this, some of you don't, and now you will. I was a single mom once. And NO I am not ashamed of that fact, because it brought me to the point that I am about to tell you about.
I was 23, living on my own, in a crappy (but affordable) apartment. I was happy to be employed, sad I was only making 10 dollars an hour with my degree and all, glad to be away from an empty and lonely engagement with my son's biological father, sad I was working long days and just dead beat tired all the time. My son was what kept me going every day- happy, smiley, loving little Andrew. I still smile when I think about the fact that he was the biggest gift of unexpected joy God had given me in my life up until that point. Yeah graduating college was great, but having my son to love- the BEST!
Anyway, sometimes though the pressure of just making the bills day in and day out would get to me and I'd cry in the shower. It was the only place I could cry without waking my infant son in the evenings.
One night I'm in the shower and just sobbing really. The kind that just wells up out of you and is uncontrollable. It had to come out- there was no way to even try and stifle these raw emotions. It was like my chance to let "strong" Amy off the hook since the work of the day was done, and "hurting" Amy could express herself.
Anyway, I am just feeling so beaten down and broken. Not hopeless, but just plain exhausted. I was doing it ALL alone, and the weight of it all was heavy.
At this point in my life I believed in God, prayed a little bit, went to church sometimes, and didn't have much time to read my bible. I didn't have much of a relationship with God. I didn't know how much He loved me.
I'm crying and I just fall to my knees and ask God to come into my life and take over. "I can't do it alone". "If I'm gonna be a single mom for the rest of my life I'm gonna need help". That was my prayer.
It was my continual prayer for awhile. "I NEED your help God".
It was also the beginning of feeling like I could tell God everything. It was the beginning of me not trying to do it all on my own anymore, the beginning of me learning to "Let go and Let God".
From that point on I started to notice life not necessarily getting easier, just filled with more hope. There wasn't the despair, and the weight of being a single mom seemed manageable.
It was the beginning of learning about my Savior. Each pain that I have gone through in life since has just strengthened this relationship. I learned and grew throughout them, not handling on my own, but allowing God to be with me in it.
Prior to this crying out to God, I just handled it all myself- and not so well at times. Oh the anguish of that time!
I didn't truly understand fully what God had done through Jesus for me until later- but that day crying out in the shower was the beginning and an end, and I am so grateful that I was broken so that I could NEED Him.